PAIL - Family Building

I am only 9 weeks into this whole motherhood thing, I often get the question, "When are you going to try for #2?" Seriously people, it's only been 9 weeks.  And, these questions started like a week or two after Brett was born.  I always reply "Let us enjoy this guy first!"  To be honest, this question stresses me out. 

When Emar and I were dating, we discussed how many children we would like.  He wanted 2 and I said 3.  After we had hit the year mark of actively trying, we always used to say "One would be great,"  because we didn't really know if we could/would have one. 

Now that Brett is here, I can't imagine my life any differently.  As I have mentioned before, I find myself crying tears of joy as I rock him, wondering how I deserve such a precious little being.  I wonder how I could love another child as much as I love Brett. 

Last week, Emar and I had a long conversation regarding our family building. 

My thoughts:  I feel like Brett deserves a sibling to grow up with.  I grew up with one brother and Emar grew up with a sister and a brother.   The relationships we have with our siblings today are amazing and I want that for Brett.  I don't know if it will be "easy" to get pregnant again.  Brett was a surprise right after we had made our IVF consultation.  Could it happen again?  Would I have to pursue more IF treatments?  How long would we try? (I am no spring chicken! turned 32 last week).  When do we start trying?  Being "older" freaks me out for pregnancy risks.  I don't want to wait too long if we decide to try again but I don't want 2 under the age of 2.  That also freaks me out.  Finances concern me as well- the cost of daycare, college, etc.  Would we have to move?  I know many people who have 2 kids in a 3 bed 2 bath house and make it work.  I do know that if we can't get pregnant on our own or with "minor" IF treatments, we will not pursue IVF. 

Emar's thoughts:  Emar tends to keep his feelings to himself (hmmm, reminds me of most men in my life).  I am glad I asked him about this as he opened up to me.  He was bothered by my pregnancy- the 1st trimester nausea, the heartburn that woke me up in the middle of the night choking which made me cry, etc.  He says he hated seeing me like that.  He also was worried because during delivery he didn't think I was going to be able to push Brett out.  He hates seeing me in pain.  I am thankful for that he is that sincere.  He didn't mention this to me earlier because he didn't want to freak me out or cause more stress.   It's funny because I was the one physically experiencing all the symptoms and I really thought I had a "text book" pregnancy.  He is also concerned that we might have sleepless nights, terrible two's etc.  I reminded him that pregnancy is only 9 (ok - 10 ) months and the rest are phases and we will get through them.  We have been very blessed with Brett in the short 9 weeks he has been with us.  I could see #2 trying our patience:) 

As far as birth control, we aren't using anything but condoms at this point.  I do not want to put a foreign object in my body and the pill is out of the question for 2 reasons- 1.  I am breastfeeding and 2.  I have been off of it since 2006 and don't want the artificial hormones

So, looks like Emar and I will have to revisit this topic in a year.  Who knows, we both might change our minds!